First World Problems 4

First World Problems 4 - watch more funny videos     

The Dexter Conspiracy Theory - Dexter Season 7

-->

I don’t usually blog reviews or about work that I’m not involved in (though I wish I was for this one), but this season of “Dexter” has kept me on the edge of my seat, er, bed. No matter how slow the show seems at points during every other episode, the tension is still there. I am literally hanging onto every character’s every word, looking for hints of what’s to come. As the show writers have done a good job at doing, it’s easy to see that Dexter has bitten off more than he meant to chew and his dark passenger might be revealed at any moment. And as season 7 reaches its climax, I am compelled to share my “Dexter Morgan Conspiracy Theory”…

(SPOILER ALERT: If you haven’t watched any episodes of the seventh season, or missed the last episode as of 11/4/2012, do not read past this line.)

Like I said, Dexter has too much to handle. He got caught by his incestuous/non-incestuous loving sister/non-sister, Deb, at the end of season 6/beginning of season 7. Thus, he dropped The Doomsday Killer’s, Travis Marshall, blood slide. Trying to lie his way through his secret to Deb, Dexter got sloppy. This led Captain LaGuerta to find the blood slide, who is now all about clearing her late ex-lover’s, Detective Stokes, name as the Bay Harbor Butcher. 

After having to come clean to Deb about who he really is, Deb’s teetering on what’s right and what’s wrong. What side of the law should she choose? Can she be convinced of The Code of Harry? On top of that, Dexter has the Ukrainian Mafia, Kashka, on his ass. Well, more like Isaak Sirko, who is out to avenge his employee, Viktor Baskov (who I think is either Issak’s brother or lover or some kind of close relative - his thirst for vengeance is too thick for it to just be his best friend). Back to Issak in a minute…

Then, in episode 6, instead of killing the hot piece of Auss, Hannah McKay, the botany serial killer (Yvonne Strahovski of “Chuck” fame), he is about to start an affair with her. And she may or may not be trying to kill him, too. Poison Ivy style. On top of THAT, true crime writer, Sal Price (who has a thing for Deb – every season we have to see her project her desires for Dexter on some nobody that must die… wait for it…), may be Dexter’s first innocent. As in first innocent victim. Based on next week’s teaser, Hannah may encourage Dexter to kill him because, in stalking Hannah himself, has discovered the serial killer love affair between Dex and Hannah. Price may know too much. After all, he’s already told Deb that Dexter’s blood splatter report is faulty. And remember in episode 5 (or 4) how Deb made Dexter promise he didn’t, nor will he ever, tamper with case evidence? Uh huh! Another way Dexter loses Deb’s trust and pushes her to the right side of her moral compass. 

She’s also come to know that Dexter and Lumen were in on the barrel girls’ case. Will Lumen come back and possibly help or blow up Dexter’s spot? I don’t know because Wikipedia also doesn’t know. But probably not; it may just be a red herring. Oh, and Batista, who is the only one in Miami Metro not convinced that Detective Anderson’s case is solved, may also be inadvertently on to Dexter. How will this play out? He can’t retire with this on his conscious. And will his sister find out the truth about her hooker-loving dead boyfriend? Probably not, but Dexter will say some double entendre type shit.

Holy shit! All of this need to walk on eggshells and watch his back, Dexter is feigning for a kill like a crackhead needs the pipe! Thus, he’s bound to get sloppy (sloppier) on his next kill (Price, not Sirko), which may(will) be the end all for Dex. He may be past the point of caring about being careful at all. Dex is bound to implode.

Oh, and Quin! Sweet little Joey, who looks like he doesn’t know how to use a bottle of LA Looks. He may or may not be working with the Ukrainian Mafia.. again. He wants the money but he wants to do the right thing but he also wants Nadia, the stripper with the Siberian heart of gold, to be his. With the Kashka holding a foot to Joey Quinn’s neck, he doesn’t know what they may want him to do. But maybe I do… Sirko might have Quinn lure Dexter into a trap the way he did with the Colombians. So Quinn might have to save Dexter? Or take him out to save Nadia? Remember, Quinn and Deb still have unfinished feelings and Dex still can’t stand Quinn. He said so at the end of season 5. Will his saving of Dex from Sirko and the Kashka, or vice versa, patch up these hard feelings in THIS love triangle? Or will he be the one to kill Dex and have to deal with his own moral instability when he finds out that Deb knew all along?

Now here's how Dexter will die 

The show writers are mum on this… they say they know how the show will end in its last season 8 next year. I think I do, too. Remember last season when Dexter went to stop Trinity Jr. in Nebraska after finding out that Trinity’s widow and daughter were killed and the whole world thought Trinity did it, but really Dex knew it wasn’t him cause he handled Trinity right after Trinity took care of Rita? Yeah, Jonah. He is left wide open, although Dexter just told Deb there are no loose ends from any of his killings, except maybe Lumen, who ain’t coming back (we’ll see). Well, since Brother Sam got all up in Dexter’s head the way only Mos Def can do, Dexter, in his moment of humanity, let Jonah live. So I think Jonah will come back to kill Dexter. The one moment Dexter didn’t listen to his dark passenger, the one instant he refused to trust his gut, may be the one loose end that does him in. It would only be fitting to finish off a trifecta in true Trinity family tradition: father, mother & daughter/sister, and since Jonah ain’t offing himself, he’ll take out Dexter, who blew the cap off this crazy family. 

I know one thing, when Dexter is finally revealed to his Miami Metro family, whether he is alive or dead to be there for the big reveal, they won’t be able to believe it. Although the clues have been there since day one. Even Quinn who initially had his suspicions may not be able to swallow the truth. Then, LaGuerta will turn her attention to Deb. Was she in on it, too? Is that why she keeps rebutting all of LaGuerta’s wild theories? Well, yes, but only we the viewers know that. And Masuka will make an inappropriate joke, I’m sure. 

And for God’s sake, will Deb just make a move on Dex already and get it out of the way? They keep on hinting it throughout this whole season. She wants to say, “Hey, brother, I want to totally bag you in bed. Fuck! Is that so weird? It’s only my style.”

I’m anxious to see how many of my predictions will come to light. I’m almost tempted to call Vegas and put money on it. But the show has surprised me many times before so I don’t know. But I also want to be able to be the first to say, “I knew it!” I know one thing is for sure, though, Dexter will not live or not live a la Tony Soprano. Ain’t no Journey ending on this one. It'll go off with some Dexter voice over that mirrors something he said on the pilot episode. I promise. You live by the sword, you die by the sword. Or in this case, the butcher knife and Reynolds wrap. Holy hell, I feel like that dude in "Two For the Money" right about now!

Frank Martin

This weekend I had the honor and pleasure of performing with local comedians in a big ass sketch show. We performed sketches written by most of the actors, including myself. Here is our review from Old Dominion University's student newspaper. It appears one of the sketch characters I created was a success...

The Great Big Sketch Show

Posted on 11 October 2012. Tags: Comedy, Pushers, Sketch

The Great Big Sketch Show performed by the students of the Muse Writers Center filled the seats at the Night of the Iguana on Saturday. The students of the 101, 202, and 303 classes prepared over two hours of sketch comedy that portrayed scenes with characters that ranged from sorority girls to rednecks.
A dozen sketch comedians rotated in groups of 2-5 acting out different scenarios. The highlight act of the night was when a character named Frank Martin came onto the stage to do a singing sketch to the beat of Michael Bublé’s “Fever”. The character Martin claimed he had a sex-filled night with a lovely lady, and then all of a sudden he spots her in the audience. He pulls the lucky lady, Lauren, from the crowd up on stage to sing her a song she inspired him to write. The first verse proceeds as normal until the chorus starts and you realize what Martin is actually singing about. “You give me herpes,” sings Martin, as the poor contestant covers her face in shame and laughter.
The show had various characters that appeared in several sketches. The “that’s what she said” guy was placed in many situations where the term “that’s what she said” is deemed inappropriate. It chronicled his life from buying subs, to his father’s colonoscopy, then on to his father’ death.
The show was packed full of sexual innuendos. Many acts dealt with the topics of first dates and being turned on by different types of characters. In the opening sketch, Jane wanted to teach Tarzan to have sex “in the interest of learning”. The masturbation olympics was a sketch played out to be a sports event with live coverage. The three gentlemen dressed in robes and boxers that stepped behind a waist high sheet to compete in the “shoot out”.
During the intermission, members of the Muse Writing Center went around asking for donations to help pay for the classes of those can not. T-shirts and panties were also sold to raise money for the comedy sketch classes.
The show brought laughter to those who paid the $5 cover charge. The closer the sketch was to being rated R the more laughs it received. This comedy community is performing their next show on Oct. 24 at the Funny Bone. It will be a Halloween show, which the Pushers will star in. The Pushers acted as mentors for the students in the 101, 202 and 303 classes.
By: Megan Jefferson
Editor In Chief

Raise the Curtains...

The poster to my very first live performance. You've seen my YouTube sketches, you've read some of my sick nonsense, but now I'm taking my comedy to the stage! This summer, along with attending a seminar by comedy guru Steve Kaplan, I studied under my local comedy heroes, The Pushers. I'll being performing sketches that I wrote, along with sketches other fellow comedy writers wrote...